Thank you Carrie for all you've shown us! Rest well!
Leading Women
My Favorite Christmas Gift was from My Ex
My favorite Christmas gift is from the kids, paid for by my ex. I appreciate that he allows the children to buy me gifts regardless if he wants to buy one for me or not. This shows that he respects the benefits of our children's happiness. Things aren't always perfect, nor do I expect them to be. At least we can put it all aside so the kids can feel loved and feel that they have the chance to love us equally.
New Year, New Divorce
Looking for a New Year's Resolution that can better the relations between you and your ex?
I work with moms and dads who are done with the constant conflict and want a surefire way to have a tranquil separation.
If your goal is to raise your children in the best loving environment, guess what? You can do this in just six weeks, without long, drawn-out, expensive court appearances!
Stop the fighting. Stop the conflict. Stop the harassing emails, phone calls and text messages. Stop arguing over your schedules. Stop the abuse to your family!.
Do it for your children. Do it for yourself. Do it for a happier, more tranquil life for all of you.
Give yourself and your children a special holiday gift. Say Yes to life after divorce.
To know more, click this link and book your discovery session with me today. www.sayyes.life.
Market Your Art Workshop - Class 1 Sat, Sep 3, 2016 9:00am Sat, Sep 24, 2016 12:00pm
Promoting your art should not feel overwhelming. You don’t have to do everything at once. In fact, one of the most important things about successful promotion is that it is targeted to the specific aims you have in mind. This means that the very first step in promoting your art effectively is to decide what you want to achieve. This class will help you find your goals and the “How To” get yourself in the media. Students are also invited to attend the Market Your Art Network Events on the first Tuesday of the month, September - December.
Register Here, http://www.adriancenterforthearts.org/market-your-art/2016/9/3/market-your-art-workshop-class-1
Register Here, http://www.adriancenterforthearts.org/market-your-art/2016/9/3/market-your-art-workshop-class-1
What would your "All Fine Place" say to you?
If my “All Fine Place” could talk, it would say that it
flows like water and as I get closer to being to the place where I feel calm or
even when my body knows I will be close to the beginning of the calm moment,
the feeling of excitement gets brighter and bigger. During this journey as I’m
in the midst of my all fine place, the feeling begins to mature as the leaves
and calmness comes. My “All Fine Place” does not want to dwindle down in the
shape of an inverted triangle and stop, but instead transform into water and
flow into a slow river to follow me through my days until I am able to visit
again.
My body feels the bright orange as a form of a tingle,
goosebumps, smiling cheeks and excitement in my brain. The next feelings of
calmness surround this orange during the calmness and turns to water shaping my
entire body. It allows me to feel the waves of emotions, my mind is open to
what matters most in life and hear things such as owls, birds, the leaves
swaying and the rain as it falls.
The visions and feelings of these shapes, sounds and
movements is the pause that I revert back to as I smile during hardships or
difficult times of anxiety and growing into tough situations that would
normally break me.
I truly love this exercise. First you remove all of your worries and draw what you would do with them. I decided to burn them in a bonfire and use them to keep me warm. Next, you draw your "All Fine Place" and allow it to talk to you as you only use colors, shapes or lines. After this, you draw the feelings within your body while in your "All Fine Place". Finally you write down what your "All Fine Place" says to you. This process may take the entire time while you're at the beach, on vacation or in your glory, but it helps you understand more about yourself and why you enjoy being in this place. One more step in the world of Focus-Oriented Self-Therapy using Expressive Arts.
I truly love this exercise. First you remove all of your worries and draw what you would do with them. I decided to burn them in a bonfire and use them to keep me warm. Next, you draw your "All Fine Place" and allow it to talk to you as you only use colors, shapes or lines. After this, you draw the feelings within your body while in your "All Fine Place". Finally you write down what your "All Fine Place" says to you. This process may take the entire time while you're at the beach, on vacation or in your glory, but it helps you understand more about yourself and why you enjoy being in this place. One more step in the world of Focus-Oriented Self-Therapy using Expressive Arts.
What does your "All Fine" place look like?
My "All Fine Place" although this image is not perfect, it is perfect in the sense that it makes me feel fine. When I'm in this "place" I am free from judgement of others, free from the critiques around me. I am free from my own self and am perfectly qualified to be me, without feeling inadequate. Here, I can be my authentic self.
Your "All Fine Place" is the place you create once you remove all of your worries and the feelings about your worries.
Your "All Fine Place" is the place you create once you remove all of your worries and the feelings about your worries.
Why keep a calm face?
What’s the biggest parenting challenge for you? If you’re like many parents, it’s keeping your cool when your kids are getting on your last nerve!
Why is it so important to at least look calm and collected as we provide consequences for our children’s misbehavior? Because…
| • | Anger creates resentment and rebellion. |
| • | Empathy ups the odds of genuine remorse and responsibility. |
| • | Anger says, "I can barely handle you!" |
| • | Empathy communicates, "I'm such a great parent that I can handle you without breaking a sweat!" |
| • | Anger creates kids who get sneaky and do irresponsible things behind our backs. |
| • | Empathy creates kids who are more likely to behave even when we aren't watching them. |
Coloring pages for Dad
Coloring pages for Dad. Tranquil Studio is the home of BillyBear4Kids.com. Visit the website for more free stuff for kids. Keep the busy or they'll keep you busy.
Free Father's Day Greeting Card ColorBooks from BillyBear4Kids.com
Color your own Greeting Cards. Find a picture you like... color the picture... cut out the picture (with an adult to help you with the sharp scissors)... paste your picture to a piece of construction paper... fold... viola... your very own personalized Greeting Card!
- FREE EXE Download:
Father's Day
What do they love?
Open House Fun
Thanks to everyone who joined us for the open house during the Spring Fling at Adrian Center for the Arts Studio One! We had a blast. Check out our interactive art pieces and some special guests having fun.
Tranquil Arts Open House Today 1 to 6 pm
Final touches are complete at Tranquil Arts studio #5 at the Adrian Center for the Arts Studio One. Just in time for the Spring Fling event today from 1 to 6 pm. Special events for everyone. I'll explain mine later. Hint hint: it has to do with making your mark with art therapy.
What is your Ikigai?
Ikigai (生き甲斐, pronounced [ikiɡai]) is a Japanese concept meaning "a reason for being". Everyone, according to the Japanese, has an ikigai. The term ikigai is composed of two Japanese words: iki (生き), referring to life, and kai (甲斐), which roughly means "the realization of what one expects and hopes for". In the culture of Okinawa Japan, ikigai is thought of as "a reason to get up in the morning"; that is, a reason to enjoy life.
Fun project; First try filling these circles with words, next try fill with images and drawings. You'll find that your visual version will bring out your imagination.
Fun project; First try filling these circles with words, next try fill with images and drawings. You'll find that your visual version will bring out your imagination.
Spring Fling Open House, May 1st 1 pm to 6 pm
Although I'm away, I cannot stop myself from sharing how excited I am for the Spring Fling Open House coming up May 1st from 1 pm to 6 pm at the Lenawee County Visual Arts Studio 1 at 2300 N. Main Street in Adrian. Tons of free art projects for the family with many artist residents in house. Come visit me in Studio #5, learn more about the parenting programs and art therapy.
Announcing Mr. and Mrs. Redden!
I will be out of the office during Mr. Redden and my wedding, returning April 25, 2016. Please feel free to email me at Sonja @ tranquilparenting.com. I will be checking my inbox periodically.
Two Views Could be Right
Situations may look different to two different people. Like an abstract piece of art. It takes understanding to let both views be correct.
Rest Easy with Tranquil Parenting
Do you stay awake at night thinking of divorce or parenting issues? Transition peacefully with Tranquil Parenting. Learn how to avoid Unwinnable Power Struggles and sleep easy.
Your Future after the Tranquil Divorce Program
When you have completed the Tranquil Divorce program, choices that at first seemed overwhelming can fall into place rapidly. You will be able to more clearly communicate your ideas about what you feel is best for your child when you have figured things out in advance.
In this class you will also find several techniques that you might not have thought of, for example, the value of using a logbook to provide continuity in the child’s life as he or she moves from one home to another.
The most critical factor in a child’s adjustment to the separation and to successful future development is the parents’ ability to either resolve or put aside their differences and to focus on what is in their child’s best interest. When parents are able to resolve their differences by getting what has been called an “emotional divorce,” they are more able to be flexible regarding how time with the child is shared.
As you design your plan, you’ll also learn how to create consistency and predictability in your child’s reorganized family. It is in this way that your child will be able to adjust to the family changes and do well. Research of divided families has shown that children can be as healthy and socially well adjusted as children from families where the parents stay together. This is not likely to be the case, however, if the parents stay angry with each other and engage in prolonged fighting over the child.
Every family is unique. When you finish, your plan will be individualized to work effectively in your situation while including all of the important people who are involved with your child.
I would not replace what I have found while creating this program. If someone told me how peaceful my life would be in the future, I would not have believed them.
How can we create a parenting plan during a divorce?
One result of careful planning is fewer mistakes. The parenting plan enhances understanding between a child’s parents and encourages discussion. It is a baseline that you can use to document your understandings. It keeps you – not a stranger – in the position of making decisions about your child’s life.
Sometimes it is tempting to turn over difficult decisions to someone else, to somebody who is an “authority.” However, the overwhelming consensus of people who have experienced having someone else decide how to care for their child is that it is a recipe for disaster. No one else loves or understands your child like you do. A person who is a perfect stranger to you and your family will never be able to figure out things better than you can.
Feelings of anger and hurt can be overwhelming. These feelings are normal; however, when acted upon negatively they can be devastating to everyone, especially to a child. No one wants this. It is too painful. In time people resolve unhappy feelings, but during the transition period the possibility of making damaging choices is very real.
A parenting plan helps you stay focused on your child and his or her best interest, rather than on runaway feelings about the other parent.
This is a time in your life when it is usually better not to go the distance alone. You don’t have to figure out everything by yourself; there are excellent advisors who can assist you. You may need the services of a counselor, mediator, lawyer, evaluator or judge in order to help you and the other parent make informed decisions in working out a solid parenting plan.
I remember the beginning of my divorce. Once we realized it was over, we agreed on our parenting schedule. We also talked about our game plan with the children. We both agreed that we would make sure to allow the children to have the opportunity to excel in what they wanted to do. Although the way we get them there is different, we both continue to share the same goal. The different ways are due to different parenting styles, yet I honestly believe their dad looks at the children's best interest prior to making decisions most of the time.
7 years later, our schedule has changed, the goals have not. You would think we had a few crystal balls and could see into the future.
Parenting Blueprints
A good plan becomes a living blueprint that both parents can follow, change when needed and use as a point of reference when they have differences of opinion. A well developed plan also serves as a tiebreaker when parents disagree and thus reduces conflict and improves the chances of increasing happiness for everyone involved. The parenting plan is a document that can be revised and brought up to date as the children grow and as other family changes need to be addressed.
The Tranquil Divorce program will help you plan how to care for your child after the reorganization of your family. Who will make what decisions? How will you share time with your child? How can you balance your timeshare and still allow your child to participate in life enhancing activities? How will your child’s emotional, spiritual, physical, educational, medical and social needs be met? How will your child’s expenses be paid and by whom?
A well thought out parenting plan will help you figure out who is going to do what and when in caring for your child.
Contact us to learn more.
Why divorcing parents should create a parenting plan instead of just a parenting schedule?
Planning for a child means looking ahead to the obvious changes that will occur. What schools will your child attend? Do you need to make arrangements for them now? Are you saving money for the child’s advanced education? Do you have life insurance in place to make sure that the child is supported if the primary income earner is no longer there? What special opportunities to enrich your child’s life would you like to make available? When a child’s parents live together, this type of planning takes place in the natural course of events.
Obviously, it is responsible to address pending issues ahead of time so that arrangements can be made. When parents separate, a detailed parenting plan becomes an absolute necessity. By carefully planning how they will share the responsibility for their child’s life, parents can avoid future misunderstandings and conflict.
A well thought out, solid parenting plan developed early in the transition process will go a long way to reduce conflict down the road.
Share Love!
During Valentine's Day, the day to show love, the Tranquil Divorce Program reminds us how children need to know both parents love them, especially children with separated parents. Reassure your child that both parents love them. Like our page for additional coparenting reminders.
What is Divorce?
One of the very first steps in the Tranquil Divorce program is to learn that Divorce is the dissolution of the legal contract between a married couple.
As we learn that Breakthrough Parenting techniques how divorce means the transforming of a family, not the ending of the family. When parents separate, their family isn’t broken. Children still have parents. Parents still have children. Everyone still needs each other. Instead of thinking of the family as being broken, it is better to think of the family as reorganizing. How parents handle the changes that occur in reorganizing will have a direct effect on how well the children and parents faire after the separation. While change is often difficult, it doesn’t have to be destructive.
Time still moves forward, challenges still come up and memories are still remembered. Focus on what's important. Love, not fear!
Practice Sharing
You are most likely to blame for your children not wanting to share with their siblings. In fact most parents set rules on what may be touched and when. Children learn that there are boundaries and that they need to set the rules straight over their own belongings.
So now what? Practice making family rules where everyone participates. This would include who plays with each toy. How long each child takes a turn. This builds trust. With this agreement, you could add in rules about property rights. This will help them understand the boundaries that you set since they began moving around.
As the parent, you can help them adjust to these new time tables. A few tears may shed. Once everyone get the hang of it, sharing will be a no brainer.
Sibling Rivalry: Empathy, Support Options and Empower
Sibling rivalry takes many forms and has no age limit. How do we work with it and not make it worse?
Let's take a minute and look at the types, reasons, the how some parents deal and then the "magical" solution.
Teasing, mean words, I hate you, I wish you would die, physical fighting, jealously, needing attention no matter if it's negative or positive and just plain old nagging.
Some parents choose to be negative and yell and punish their children. Remember negativity breeds negativity and so the cycle begins.
Here is the magic. Instead of being negative share empathy, give options and then empower your children. Older children can choose to take a mentoring role. Younger children can learn to model empathy. Both groups can learn problem solving that they will use in the future.
Forced aplogies actually hurt the process of building relationships between siblings. Instead offer suggestions on how to rebuild.
In separate homes, make certain the children aren't mocking their parents. Keep conflict to a minimum, unless it's progressive challenges that can be overcome easily without belittling each other.
Are you too busy for yourself?
Do you feel guilty because you do not have enough time for your children? Between work and chores, do you get lost in the the daily routine of life? Does this guilty feeling keep you from your own pleasures?
Years and years of guilt has kept me from venturing into my own hobbies. Being that I'm a divorced mother sharing 50/50 custody with their father, I've always planned my hobbies when they were not with me, so I could spend every waking hour with them. As they get older, I've realized it's not the minutes that matter, but how we spend them.
We do enjoy doing chores, projects, and hanging out together just watching a movie or going to events. Recently, I've added time where they visit friends and time for my hobbies. This independent time for us is necessary.
I need to show how I understand they are independent children and that I have things I want to do independently of them.
For example, I wanted to take a ceramics class which was held two weekends in a row. Before I realized that they would see this as freedom, I would have never taken the class. Now, I planned for them to enjoy time with friends while I expanded my talents.
If I make time for their hobbies and sports, I should do the same for me. This helps them understand that I am just as important. The hyrarchy of importance is a lesson in which I'm not sitting around awaiting their every desire.
Remember to take care of you! Have fun, excersize, fulfill your dreams. You'll be better for doing so. No regrets. No blame. You need to love yourself in order to love that every waking hour.
Snack Time, Fun Time!!!
Are the kiddos tired of the plain old boring fresh fruit? Are you tired of the preservatives and sugars in packaged snacks?
Fruit shakes could be the answer for your littles. 2 fresh fruits, 1 cup frozen and 2 Oz. of juice makes a delightful sweet treat for a few kiddos.
My new Christmas gift has already set a new standard in my home. The kids love to mix and match. They try to guess what color it will be once blended.
A fun way to get those fresh fruits in each day. I add protien and vitamins in too. Hope you all have fun mixing and matching.
What are the rules?
Loving respectful rules. Interested in learning more about Love and Logic AKA Fun parenting? Visit Www.tranquilparenting.com to learn more.
Did you say sibling conflict is needed?
Yes, siblings need to have conflict, so they can learn ways to move through obstacles. Here are a few things to try;
Talk It Out
Step 1. Calmly empathize
Step 2. Recognize and state the problem
Step 3. Ask them to tell their feelings without hurting each other
Step 4. Remind them of your family rules
Step 5. Ask what they suggest to do about it
Make Light of It - make them laugh
Choice 1. Ask them to fight about it
Choice 2. Switch the subject to something funny
Choice 3. Act as if you're a wrestling announcer or referee
Choice 4. Play a bonding game.
Choice 5. Nap time
Choice 6. Have a fight night with agreeable rules
Try different tactics each time as they mature. These are the times while they are learning what works best for them.
It's not our job, or is it?
While I do not sugar coat anything, I do not make things harder. I choose empathy and love as I look for each learning opportunity for my children. I do not create an ugly atmosphere, yet I look forward to each experience where my children may grow.
Let the tough stuff show its ugly head as much as possible. We got this!
Tranquility Matters, Stand Up!
The moment someone tries to steal your tranquility by bringing in conflict; pause, take a stand, choose peace.
Could Limit Excersizes Help Your Family?
Children's first exposure to problem solving is usually with their parents, peers and most of all siblings, especially when limits or rules are ignored.
I suggest creating Limit, Problem-Solving and Negotiating Exercises for your children. I wouldn't go out and create challenges. We all know challenges present themselves on a regular basis in families. You could use these ideas as situations happen.
Let your children take the responsibility of knowing the steps of how to keep calm.
Limit Excersize
Each child takes a turn at the following;
Step 1. Describe the limit or challenge.
Step 2. Have each child empathize with the other child.
Step 3. Work with the children on how to put their feelings into words in a tranquil manner and not attack the other child.
Step 4. Let each child express their needs.
Step 5. If a child's limit is ignored, support them by stating family rules.
Step 6. Help your children problem-solve.
Step 7. Have each child report what they have heard from each other.
Listening Exercise
Step 1. Keep calm and move your children out of fight or flight mode.
Step 2. Allow your children to speak for themselves.
Step 3. Repeat the words of each child by quoting them, if one child is not listening.
Step 4. Have each child report what they have heard from each other.
Step 5. Remind the children that your house rules include looking for a balanced solution, where each person walks away from a problem feeling as if they've won.
Problem Solve Exercise
Step 1. Once again, stay calm.
Step 2. Discuss the problem or challenge without judgment. Have each child state if they agree there is a problem.
Step 3. Remove the children from the situation. If it's a physical object, remove the object.
Step 4. Invite the children to brainstorm all possible solutions in writing or drawings.
Step 5. Go through the solutions one by one with them. As "what if" questions allowing them to see the solution all the way through. Restate what the problems are with these possibilities as they arise.
Step 6. Write down the final solution and observe how it's implemented.
Step 7. More coaching may be needed as the solution mat need to be refined.
Negotiating Exercise
Some of the most common ways children can start negotiating are;
1. Trade offs
2. Taking Turns
3. Sharing
4. Splitting in half
5. Teaming up
6. Adding to family rules
No Tattling or Nagging Exercise
Step 1. Speak softly and remember, children only do these, when the see a limit that has been broken. They are simply asking for help. They just need help communicating.
Step 2. Ask if they would like to take any action.
Step 3. Begin the Problem-solving exercise.
These few steps during real life situations will hand the responsibility back to them with teaching natural consequences. Once the problem is solved, you have the easy part. Share love!
Looking for help to transition during your divorce?
Are you divorcing? Are you looking for
support to transition peacefully? With the 65% divorce rate, you are not alone and neither are your children.
Contact Tranquil Parenting to learn more about the Tranquil Divorce program. February classes will be announced shortly.
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