Tranquil Parenting Open House and Ribbon Cutting

Although Tranquil Parenting (AKA Tranquil Studio, Inc.) has been in operation since December of 2014 with content dating back as far as 1992, it has never been so complete with it's parenting curriculum as it is today. For this reason, Sonja Redden and her Board Members found it fitting to celebrate the new non-profit and open to the general public status.

Being presented during the ribbon cutting was a surprise and a pure joy full of validation from the State of Michigan. Knowing the niche is fully needed and supported by the community.

We feel very appreciative of everyone backing the combination of art, education and parent coaching.

Sonja Redden's Tranquil Divorce Story

Allow Children to Take Responsibility with Sonja Redden

Practicing Transitions from One Home to Another with Sonja Redden, Tranq...

Art As A Coping Tool with Sonja Redden, Tranquil Parenting Coach

Tranquil Parenting Transitions

Chores Done Tranquil Parenting Style

Creative Conflict Management Solution

Struggling with an area (such as transitions between homes)? One idea is to hold a practice (Saturday afternoon?) when the pressure is off. Parents have told us practice transitions between homes have worked wonders. 🏡 🚗 🚙 🏡 You could try this in real life or use paper dolls like this one found at http://www.billybear4kids.com/worksheets/start-paperdolls.html 

 

Instead of saying the child doesn't want to go with the other parent because they cry, realize it's the transition they have been taught to fear, not the parent. The fear has been gifted to them by their young empathetic hearts. They will mirror the fear you try to hide. Use your creative imagination to find ways to benefit your child. #sayyestolifeafterdivorce #tranquildiscipline #tranquildivorce #tranquilparenting #parenting #coparenting #divorce

The Do’s and Don’ts of Reunification

The Do’s and Don’ts of Reunification to help reuniting parents and children of difficult situations. These do’s and don’ts may be used for reunification of Ex Step Parents, families even after a divorced parent has passed. These tips can even help stop alienation on both sides.

Reunification Do’s 
Do;
• Practice positive comments "People don't always understand," "Sometimes we make mistakes."
• Discuss what you have been up to, a little about yourself and who you are to build trust
• Ask a little about the child. They may open up slowly.
• Defend yourself by assertively saying "No, I didn't do that." "That never happened." "I would never hurt you in that way."
• Show love and empathy
• Show loving discipline when needed
• Focus on you and the child
• Find an activity in a public place that makes memories and shares emotions; art, education, parades. Something that will not be expensive and does not add guilt by association of price.
• Try to leave with the option open for another get together
• Offer to join the Tranquil Parenting Reunification Program

Reunification Do Not’s 
Do not;
• Tell the child how much you have missed them and the exact number of birthdays, Christmas and New Years’ you have been without them.
• Pour out all your emotions of despair
• Show court papers
• Discuss what the other parent has done
• Defend yourself in an aggressive way
• Get angry
• Criticize or speak negatively about the other Parent or his/her family or friends
• Forced your child to choose between loving the other Parent and me
• Talk about child support, money, or legal issues
• Limit time with the other Parent because you feel you are the best Parent
• Ask the child to keep secrets, lie or hide things fromthe otherParent
• Pump your child to get detailed information of where they go and what they do when they are with the other Parent
• Prevent the child from speaking with the other Parent by blocking phone messages, not returning phone calls, erasing email messages, not giving them mailor gifts
• Interrupt the child’s time with theother Parent by calling too much or planning activities during their time together
• Deny you child the right to spend the designated time with the other Parent
• Sabotaged any activity that your child is doing with the other Parent
• Encourage your child to blame the other Parent or to choosesides
• Use your child as a Therapist or your special friend to share your deep and upsetting emotions
• Tell your child you feel bad when he/she has a good time with theother Parent
• Ask your child to spy for you while with the other Parent
• Instill guilt, pressure, or rejection of the other Parent inyour child
• Make a contest of how much love, care, and attention the child gives to theother Parent and his or her family and friends versus how much attention Ireceive
• Make false accusations, such as implying drug abuse or inappropriate sexual behavior to the police or Department of Child and FamilyServices
• Stop your child from expressing his/her feelings whether I agree with them or not (E.g., love, happiness, excitement, anger, fear,sadness)
• Restrict time for your children to spend time with their other parent’s family if they live far away and not able to participate in their daily lives
• Tell your children that they will, or you hope they will learn the real story once they are old enough to figure it all out?
• Blame the courts, your attorney, your ex or their family for ruining your child by allowing the other parent to be a parent
• Say or allow others to state that your child acts a certain way because of the other parent
• State that your ex is not a good parent
• Say your child would be better off without their other parent
• Overreact in front of the children when the other parent does not follow your parenting style
• Dig up your version of the past and create a “storytelling session” to justify your hatred against the other parent or their family.
• Overdo it and scare the child away
• Buy tons of gifts
• Offer them to meet or join in events often
• Artificially place yourself in their presence every chance you get to find opportunities to bump in to the child
• Give up

Tranquil Parenting Reunification Program - Recovering Children from Alienation

Alienated children are not just being little brats. Their misbehavior is not their choice. They still love the hated Parent deep down. While they have some control, in the most serious cases they are not in control. They are acting out what has been programmed in their minds about the alienated and the family. It Is bizarre and hard for anyone to understand why this behavior is happening. A Parent may set limits and make consequences for inappropriate behavior, but if they resort to punishment it will likely backfire. They have been overly indulged and expect to get their way no matter what. 

These children have seriously lost their way. If the Parent hasn't attended Parent education classes, it would be a good idea for them to modernize their Parenting skills so that they have more tools in their tool box than thinking that punishing children for poor behavior is a good idea. Teaching them is always the preferred method. The child's autonomy has been hijacked. Their rational mind has been compromised in relation to the targeted Parent and extended family, including family friends. Their memory of events has been altered such that the child will now believe that a happy family event like a birthday party was staged by the ALIENATING PARENT. They may say upon looking at a photograph of them smiling "I was miserable there, or you forced me to smile, I really didn't want to." Their moral and ethical compass of right and wrong has been often been destroyed. They do not have confidence and assuredness of being able to depend upon themselves that they once felt and may have a cocky attitude to try to cover up their confusion. They can be mean and aggressive and profusely defending the ALIENATING PARENT. People do not realize how fragile the human mind is and that these children have lost what they used to have. Note: this does not apply to school or activities outside of the family. 

Many of these children excel in school and in sports. These are places that make sense to them. Their families do not make sense. It is in the family that their critical thinking is sabotaged. Thus, it is the ALIENATED PARENT's job to bring back the child's autonomy; their sense of being a person not as an extension of the ALIENATING PARENT who has done their best to consume the child and to merge their personality into their own. To help children, recall the good times and the healthy relationships that they had Parents can do several things. Show pictures of earlier times and describe what was happening. Read to them letters from relatives stating how much they were or are loved. Correct faulty thinking by saying in a kind way, "You may believe that, but I don't." Then explain what happened. Recreate pleasant experiences or events. If baking chocolate chip cookies together was a fun time, do it again. Tell the child about what a wonderful time you all had earlier when you baked chocolate chip cookies. 

There is evidence that sounds and smells will stir up memories from the past more effectively than words will. Play music that you used to play when the child was younger and at a happier time. This all will help the child remember and integrate what happened before with who they are today. Many Parents report that with this kind of treatment that their children respond fairly quickly, most say that there are times that they will regress with "You never loved me. You are just saying that you do." Or any number of other statements that seem come from nowhere. However, children can have their full memory and lives restored and overcome all aspects of the programming. It can become like a bad nightmare that they experienced but has no relevance to today. One severely alienated eight-year-old, once she was separated from her disturbed mother, with no outside intervention other than a few Therapy sessions became a straight A student, a star athlete, valedictorian of her high school graduation and wound up with a full scholarship to a university. These happy outcomes are possible. 

The key is to contain the disturbed obsessed Parent to prevent further programming. Moreover, these children do not experience empathy. If the ALIENATING PARENT will take an empathetic approach and say to a programmed child, "It must feel awful to think that your mom wasn't sending enough family support money so that you could buy the food that you needed." "It must make you sad to think that your dad stole your college money and you won't be able to go to college." Whatever the child is told that contributes to the alienation, approach the child with empathy, identifying how the child must be experiencing the situation will go a long way to bringing them back. Alienating Parents have built a house of cards because what their child really wants is to love both Parents. If the severe alternator is legally prevented from being able to poison their child's mind, many children can be brought back with the right treatment. It is best to create 50/50 joint legal and physical in the beginning to make healing more possible. Another technique is when a disagreement develops the Alienated Parent can say, "We have a problem. What do you think that we should do about it?" Then listen and work on a win/win problem solving solution. These children aren't used to using their critical thinking skills to solve problems, or to negotiate a win/win agreement. 

What is the right treatment? This is what Tranquil Parenting does. We specialize in reunification of the children and the parents search for people to reeducate their child. The most successful methods for deprogramming children do not involve Therapy at all. It involves extensive re- education regarding what happened, what the truth is and a deep understanding of the behaviors of the Parents. Tranquil Parenting uses a sophisticated process of restoring the critical thinking of the child and can accomplish this in a four-day immersion program. The ALIENATED PARENT is reintroduced to the child. Children leave this program and attends follow up sessions to help them maintain the gains that they have made. 

We call our process the re-education of the child's critical thinking skills. Children may be initially forced to go, but once there they have considerable choice about whether to continue. It Is rare that a child does not enjoy the experience. The Tranquil Parenting Reunification Program consists of the ALIENATED PARENT and children creating works of art and spending time with educational goals. This program fills the void of the serious need for affordable programs to re-educate children who have been programmed to fear or hate the ALIENATED PARENT. First, the goal is to get the child with the ALIENATED PARENT for a period of 4 days where the re- education of the child can take place without interference. 

The goal is to restore the child's ability to do critical thinking. We don't try to explain how sick the ALIENATING PARENT is to the child. We use vague language like, "People don't always understand," "Sometimes we make mistakes." Parents should defend themselves by assertively saying "No, I didn't do that." "That never happened." "I would never hurt you in that way." Showing children court papers is an absolute no no. Focus on you and the child, not on what the ALIENATING PARENT has done. You can however show the bank statement of where you did pay child support or put money away for their college fund if that has been used to destroy the ALIENATED PARENT's credibility. Tranquil Parenting will explain to the child that child support has nothing to do with relationships. A ticket to spend time with a child cannot be paid for by making child support payments on time. Parents and children should have regular opportunities to build a relationship regardless of payments being made or not. You never know how these situations will turn out. 

Experts all agree to do what you can to stay in contact with your child with cards, small gifts, Facebook or other ways to keep the memory of you and their family alive. Some have put up websites that they change periodically. Unfortunately, happy outcomes are few and far between. Of course, the significance of this result is that PARENT ALIENATION is often inner-generational and, once grown, those damaged by PARENT ALIENATION are at risk of passing the problem on to their own children. These children who have been alienated from their parent are inclined to continue the practice of seeing people in black and white into adulthood. They are likely to be self-loathing, which creates horrific issues of low self-esteem. They have missed out on the social skills they need to gain respect and to get their needs met without having to resort to heavy-handed control and bullying. 

Without intervention, a child who is brainwashed cannot be deprogrammed by a specialist, it is unlikely that a child will ever recover from PARENT ALIENATION. The tragedy is that they have lost their free will and critical thinking ability to make rational choices over their lives. They are likely to experience serious psychiatric disorders, have poor social relationships, and of course pass the problem on to their children. These children lose one half of their heritage, and of those members are family who are well adjusted. Tranquil Parenting’s book, The Do’s and Don’ts of Reunification will help with reuniting parents and children of difficult situations that also include reunification of Ex Step Parents and of families after a divorced parent’s passing. This book also explains how to stop alienation on both sides.

How Parent Alienators Program Their Children

How can obsessed Parents be effective in erasing a child’s love for a Parent who showed the child only love and not abuse? In her book, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties that Bind, Dr. Amy J. L. Baker provides solid qualitative research using adults who experienced PARENT ALIENATION as children.

The subjects of the study reported five primary mechanisms that were used to manipulate their thoughts and feelings as children:

1. Relentless bad-mouthing of the character of the target Parent, in order to reduce their importance and value

2. Creating the impression that the target Parent was dangerous and planned to hurt the child, in order to instill fear and rejection of that Parent

3. Deceiving children about the target Parent’s feelings for them, in order to create hurt, resentment, and psychological distance

4. Withdrawing love if the child indicated affection or positive regard for the target Parent, in order to heighten the need to please the alienating Parent

5. Erasing the other Parent from the life and mind of the child through minimizing actual and symbolic contact (Baker 2007)

The outrageous behavior by the disturbed Parent is often so shocking that people don’t want to believe it. Their dramatic justifications for their aberrant behaviors defy reason. I have found that some alienating Parents blame the other Parent for alienating and brainwashing, when they are the one being deceiving. For this reason, it is very difficult to know the truth of the situation. When family members and Parents make sporting events not fun for all by stating rude comments or obviously not including everyone to celebrate a winning achievement… these are some of the tactics by an alienator and the children feel it. They feel the blame and the guilt. It is best not to try to fix this, just try to keep yourself out of these types of situations and be the best Parent you can be.

What is Parental Alienation?

What is Parental Alienation? I define Parental Alienation as any time someone communicates in a derogatory way about a child’s parent in a manner that creates a conflict within the child’s mind as to whether to love or like that parent. “Parental Alienation creates a conflict within the child and thus removes the child’s choice to like or love a parent.” Parental Alienation or “PA” is most Alienated Parent when one parent or family members say something negative about the other parent in a way that the child or the children can hear it. 

Parental Alienation can also occur when one parent intentionally communicates or exhibits images that negatively portray the other parent. Parental Alienation can also occur any time that a relative or friend of a parent communicates badly about a parent so that a child can hear, read or see what is being communicated. Alienating behavior may be mild, moderate or severe. All parents are likely to “lose it” and be inappropriate with their words around children, however, when there is a predominance of negative messages being communicated to a child, these messages can seriously erode the child’s psychological well being. 

In severe cases of Parental Alienation, children are manipulated and brainwashed (programmed) into such states of confusion that their perception of events and people around them are severely distorted. Parental Alienation in its most severe form is a heinous form of child abuse and neglect. It is a dangerous manipulation of children’s minds to alter their perception of reality about another parent. 

The purpose of marginalizing this parent is that he or she has no means to be an effective parent or to cut that parent out of a child’s life entirely. Although Parental Alienation is most obvious in divorce situations, PARENT ALIENATION can occur in families where both parents still live together. This type of is more difficult to detect, but its results can be just as devastating.

TIME AND INFORMATION

TIME AND INFORMATION NEEDS
CRC Kids

1. We need to be able to communicate with either parent as often as needed. 2. We need to enjoy appropriate Parenting Time access (visitation) with each parent that will serve our needs and preferences.

3. We need to know what is good about the other parent.

4. We need to have clear communications (even if only in writing) about medical treatments, psychological therapy, educational issues, accidents, illnesses and other important concerning us and our parents.

5. We need to have consistent and predictable boundaries in each parent’s home especially if the rules in each house may significantly differ from the other.

6. We need to know in advance about decisions including living arrangements, transfer times and locations, holidays, summer schedules, and special circumstances.

7. We need to have educational, religious, athletic and other necessary persons informed about changes in family situation.

8. We need to have certain personal information about each parent kept private. Last and foremost. We need each parent to be the adults of our new family structure and act accordingly.

DEVELOPMENT OF SELF

CHILDREN'S THOUGHTS ON DEVELOPMENT OF SELF
CRC Kids

1. We deserve to have parents who discuss my development and are interested in how I am progressing.

2. We must be allowed to discuss our feelings and emotions in appropriate ways with your understanding and love.

3. We need to have parents that listen to our problems and concerns, as well as our dreams and desires.

FREEDOM OF CHOICE

KIDS WANT A FREEDOM OF CHOICE
CRC Kids

1. We need to be told that our parents’ divorce or separation is not our fault. We deserve to be comforted when we are scared of what’s happening within our family.

2. We need to be allowed to live with each parent for extended periods of time, as situations will allow.

3. We must be allowed to choose to remain in sports, special classes or clubs that I like, without being made to feel guilty that my activities may conflict with your parenting time. If possible join me in my activities.

SENSE OF SECURITY

KIDS WANT A SENSE OF SECURITY
CRC Kids

1. We deserve to have our parents work together toward our best interests at all times.

2. We need to have the sense of security that we get from loving homes and to be sheltered from harm.

3. We need to be able to spend quality time with each parent without the other interfering by making plans for us, offering us other things to do instead or threatening to punish us for what we did wrong by not allowing us to go with our other parent.

4. We deserve to live in an atmosphere where we won’t be abused or neglected.

5. We are entitled to be happy children and not be involved in the conflict, problems and fighting of our parents.

6. We want to be allowed to have a place for our stuff when we’re at each parent’s home.

7. We need to have a daily and weekly routine that is predictable and that I can understand.

8. We wish that you would not burden us with adult duties and responsibilities. I cannot be expected to raise myself or my siblings. Though I may be able to help, I need you both to guide me.

9. We need to be able to communicate with the other parent and have private conversations without eavesdropping or recording or being told what to say or what not to say.

EXPRESSION OF LOVE

HOW KIDS WANT EXPRESSION OF LOVE TO BE
CRC Kids

1. We want to enjoy continuing care and guidance from both of you; to be educated in mind, nourished in spirit and developed in body, in an environment of unconditional love.

2. We want to have a continuing relationship with both parents and be allowed to love both parents.

3. We want to be allowed to continue loving relationships with both grandparents and other extended family members and to be allowed to have them in our lives.

4. We want to be allowed to own and display pictures of both of our parents and family members.

Children's Bill of Rights (with Divorce)

HOW WE WISH TO BE TREATED BY OUR PARENTS
CRC KIDS

 

We, the children of parents who have or about to end their relationship as we know it, deserve fair and just treatment by each of you. We ask you to consider us while we all go through the changes occurring within our family. To make it easy for you to think of us, we have agreed on some things that we think you should consider.

We are your children and we love each of you!

1. We need to be told that we are half of each of you and that you both love us, no matter what happens with your relationship.

2. We deserve to be treated as important people with our own ideas, feelings, wishes and not as property for one of you to “win”.

3. We want to have our questions about our changing family answered respectfully, with age-appropriate answers that do not include you blaming or belittling each other.

4. We want to make our own judgments about each of our parents and to be allowed to love both of you without one degrading the other to us.

5. We want to learn from both of you about your religious ideas, hobbies, interests and experiences.

6. It hurts us to be asked or expected to take sides against one of you.

7. We never want to be made the method of our parents’ communication by being asked to deliver messages back and forth.

8. We never want to be made a messenger by being told to carry notes, legal papers, money or anything else between you.

9. We want to never be asked to spy or to be interrogated about events in the other parent’s home.

10. We want you to know that it hurts when you treat us like leverage in your fight.

Take a look...

We cannot accomplish tranquility in the home without reviewing why there is conflict in the first place. Time to Put Kids First created this amazing poster from data they have collected. This is the reason we have so many challenges. It is not because children are no longer spanked like they use to be. It is not because children feel entitled. It is because divorce rates continue and coparenting has not yet been mastered. Apply to work with me today at www.sayyes.life if you would like to stop harming your children.

 

Happiness is...

Say yes to life after divorce. You can be this happy too. Apply here to join the movement, Www.sayyes.life.

 

Tranquil Parenting - Art as a Coping Tool with Divorce and Separation

Art can be used for different purposes. Most art is understood. The end product takes shape as a recognizable piece of work. In my case, art may also be used as a coping tool helping families though traumatic experiences such as divorce, abuse or neglect situations. Apply to work with me at www.sayyes.life to gain resilience and a deeper understanding of yourself through art.

I've heard many say they don't know what I do with art and how my parenting classes have anything to do with art or even how it relates. This misunderstanding is not limited.

Peer artists in my own building and campus introduce me as "Sonja Redden, I'm not really sure what she does." Some times my room is simply skipped during tours. My stories get ignored during marketing opportunities because of the lack of understanding. Recently received an email regarding this subject from someone who I have failed to create a reason for him to be aware of art as unique coping tool and the benefits it brings to all. I did not respond to his email. Maybe this video will create a relevancy for him.

After much thought, I'm in the position to enlighten others how art benefits the community by building resilience and understanding of ones self. And so this movement that I've begun continues... join me if you'd like.

I have helped parents who struggle on a daily basis with understanding themselves and why they act the way they do with their ex. I have helped them achieve Tranquility and begin again and minimize the harm divorce has in their children. I have shared ways for them to build resiliency to the tough transitions by using their imagination and creating unique ways to manage conflict.

Locally, there are 4 other artists who work with families such as this. They do not however work specifically with the same subject of divorce. In a neighboring town, there is an entire building devoted to artist like me. My goal is to create an understanding of how art heals. Again, please join me in this movement.