How can obsessed Parents be effective in erasing a child’s love for a Parent who showed the child only love and not abuse? In her book, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties that Bind, Dr. Amy J. L. Baker provides solid qualitative research using adults who experienced PARENT ALIENATION as children.
The subjects of the study reported five primary mechanisms that were used to manipulate their thoughts and feelings as children:
1. Relentless bad-mouthing of the character of the target Parent, in order to reduce their importance and value
2. Creating the impression that the target Parent was dangerous and planned to hurt the child, in order to instill fear and rejection of that Parent
3. Deceiving children about the target Parent’s feelings for them, in order to create hurt, resentment, and psychological distance
4. Withdrawing love if the child indicated affection or positive regard for the target Parent, in order to heighten the need to please the alienating Parent
5. Erasing the other Parent from the life and mind of the child through minimizing actual and symbolic contact (Baker 2007)
The outrageous behavior by the disturbed Parent is often so shocking that people don’t want to believe it. Their dramatic justifications for their aberrant behaviors defy reason. I have found that some alienating Parents blame the other Parent for alienating and brainwashing, when they are the one being deceiving. For this reason, it is very difficult to know the truth of the situation. When family members and Parents make sporting events not fun for all by stating rude comments or obviously not including everyone to celebrate a winning achievement… these are some of the tactics by an alienator and the children feel it. They feel the blame and the guilt. It is best not to try to fix this, just try to keep yourself out of these types of situations and be the best Parent you can be.
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