Alienated children are not just being little brats. Their misbehavior is not their choice. They still love the hated Parent deep down. While they have some control, in the most serious cases they are not in control. They are acting out what has been programmed in their minds about the alienated and the family. It Is bizarre and hard for anyone to understand why this behavior is happening. A Parent may set limits and make consequences for inappropriate behavior, but if they resort to punishment it will likely backfire. They have been overly indulged and expect to get their way no matter what.
These children have seriously lost their way. If the Parent hasn't attended Parent education classes, it would be a good idea for them to modernize their Parenting skills so that they have more tools in their tool box than thinking that punishing children for poor behavior is a good idea. Teaching them is always the preferred method. The child's autonomy has been hijacked. Their rational mind has been compromised in relation to the targeted Parent and extended family, including family friends. Their memory of events has been altered such that the child will now believe that a happy family event like a birthday party was staged by the ALIENATING PARENT. They may say upon looking at a photograph of them smiling "I was miserable there, or you forced me to smile, I really didn't want to." Their moral and ethical compass of right and wrong has been often been destroyed. They do not have confidence and assuredness of being able to depend upon themselves that they once felt and may have a cocky attitude to try to cover up their confusion. They can be mean and aggressive and profusely defending the ALIENATING PARENT. People do not realize how fragile the human mind is and that these children have lost what they used to have. Note: this does not apply to school or activities outside of the family.
Many of these children excel in school and in sports. These are places that make sense to them. Their families do not make sense. It is in the family that their critical thinking is sabotaged. Thus, it is the ALIENATED PARENT's job to bring back the child's autonomy; their sense of being a person not as an extension of the ALIENATING PARENT who has done their best to consume the child and to merge their personality into their own. To help children, recall the good times and the healthy relationships that they had Parents can do several things. Show pictures of earlier times and describe what was happening. Read to them letters from relatives stating how much they were or are loved. Correct faulty thinking by saying in a kind way, "You may believe that, but I don't." Then explain what happened. Recreate pleasant experiences or events. If baking chocolate chip cookies together was a fun time, do it again. Tell the child about what a wonderful time you all had earlier when you baked chocolate chip cookies.
There is evidence that sounds and smells will stir up memories from the past more effectively than words will. Play music that you used to play when the child was younger and at a happier time. This all will help the child remember and integrate what happened before with who they are today. Many Parents report that with this kind of treatment that their children respond fairly quickly, most say that there are times that they will regress with "You never loved me. You are just saying that you do." Or any number of other statements that seem come from nowhere. However, children can have their full memory and lives restored and overcome all aspects of the programming. It can become like a bad nightmare that they experienced but has no relevance to today. One severely alienated eight-year-old, once she was separated from her disturbed mother, with no outside intervention other than a few Therapy sessions became a straight A student, a star athlete, valedictorian of her high school graduation and wound up with a full scholarship to a university. These happy outcomes are possible.
The key is to contain the disturbed obsessed Parent to prevent further programming. Moreover, these children do not experience empathy. If the ALIENATING PARENT will take an empathetic approach and say to a programmed child, "It must feel awful to think that your mom wasn't sending enough family support money so that you could buy the food that you needed." "It must make you sad to think that your dad stole your college money and you won't be able to go to college." Whatever the child is told that contributes to the alienation, approach the child with empathy, identifying how the child must be experiencing the situation will go a long way to bringing them back. Alienating Parents have built a house of cards because what their child really wants is to love both Parents. If the severe alternator is legally prevented from being able to poison their child's mind, many children can be brought back with the right treatment. It is best to create 50/50 joint legal and physical in the beginning to make healing more possible. Another technique is when a disagreement develops the Alienated Parent can say, "We have a problem. What do you think that we should do about it?" Then listen and work on a win/win problem solving solution. These children aren't used to using their critical thinking skills to solve problems, or to negotiate a win/win agreement.
What is the right treatment? This is what Tranquil Parenting does. We specialize in reunification of the children and the parents search for people to reeducate their child. The most successful methods for deprogramming children do not involve Therapy at all. It involves extensive re- education regarding what happened, what the truth is and a deep understanding of the behaviors of the Parents. Tranquil Parenting uses a sophisticated process of restoring the critical thinking of the child and can accomplish this in a four-day immersion program. The ALIENATED PARENT is reintroduced to the child. Children leave this program and attends follow up sessions to help them maintain the gains that they have made.
We call our process the re-education of the child's critical thinking skills. Children may be initially forced to go, but once there they have considerable choice about whether to continue. It Is rare that a child does not enjoy the experience. The Tranquil Parenting Reunification Program consists of the ALIENATED PARENT and children creating works of art and spending time with educational goals. This program fills the void of the serious need for affordable programs to re-educate children who have been programmed to fear or hate the ALIENATED PARENT. First, the goal is to get the child with the ALIENATED PARENT for a period of 4 days where the re- education of the child can take place without interference.
The goal is to restore the child's ability to do critical thinking. We don't try to explain how sick the ALIENATING PARENT is to the child. We use vague language like, "People don't always understand," "Sometimes we make mistakes." Parents should defend themselves by assertively saying "No, I didn't do that." "That never happened." "I would never hurt you in that way." Showing children court papers is an absolute no no. Focus on you and the child, not on what the ALIENATING PARENT has done. You can however show the bank statement of where you did pay child support or put money away for their college fund if that has been used to destroy the ALIENATED PARENT's credibility. Tranquil Parenting will explain to the child that child support has nothing to do with relationships. A ticket to spend time with a child cannot be paid for by making child support payments on time. Parents and children should have regular opportunities to build a relationship regardless of payments being made or not. You never know how these situations will turn out.
Experts all agree to do what you can to stay in contact with your child with cards, small gifts, Facebook or other ways to keep the memory of you and their family alive. Some have put up websites that they change periodically. Unfortunately, happy outcomes are few and far between. Of course, the significance of this result is that PARENT ALIENATION is often inner-generational and, once grown, those damaged by PARENT ALIENATION are at risk of passing the problem on to their own children. These children who have been alienated from their parent are inclined to continue the practice of seeing people in black and white into adulthood. They are likely to be self-loathing, which creates horrific issues of low self-esteem. They have missed out on the social skills they need to gain respect and to get their needs met without having to resort to heavy-handed control and bullying.
Without intervention, a child who is brainwashed cannot be deprogrammed by a specialist, it is unlikely that a child will ever recover from PARENT ALIENATION. The tragedy is that they have lost their free will and critical thinking ability to make rational choices over their lives. They are likely to experience serious psychiatric disorders, have poor social relationships, and of course pass the problem on to their children. These children lose one half of their heritage, and of those members are family who are well adjusted. Tranquil Parenting’s book, The Do’s and Don’ts of Reunification will help with reuniting parents and children of difficult situations that also include reunification of Ex Step Parents and of families after a divorced parent’s passing. This book also explains how to stop alienation on both sides.
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