How does sibling problem solving end with your family?
Are you allowing your children to solve their own arguments without any intervention? This type of problem solving teaches children poor social skills as they will most likely walk away mad, give in or be bullied into what they don't want or be the bully. Bullies always win in this scenario.
Even worse, you stop them all together by yelling at them and telling them what to do in order to solve this problem. This teaches them to seek a higher power, instead of working things out.
Empathy, understanding and love do not grow, they are not taught and not used here in these situations. These routines follow children into adulthood. The natural consequences could possibly redeem them later, but what if?
What if you taught emotional intelligence? What if your children understood their own feelings and the feelings of others? What if they could learn to make choices that matched both children's wants?
You could choose to talk with your children when they argue. Ask them to talk about their feelings, needs, wants and choices. Show empathy. Explain different options and model them. Practice finding solutions that could work with both children. Share "I" statements. Finally, share your experiences as they unravel. Tell how you worked through a confrontation. Use the words, "some kids... or..." They can then choose more options or yours.
This does not mean to give them options to choose from. This only teaches them that they cannot think for themselves, but that you have all of the answers.
Remember, the end goal is to move them towards an independent person and closer to self actualization.
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